I'm 50!

This morning I completed my 50th workout with my animated personal trainer, Maya of Yourself! Fitness fame. I originally intended to call this post Maya, You Bitch as that it probably the most common utterance I direct at my cherished trainer. The workouts aren't INSANELY hard, but they are hard enough.

I do talk about Maya like she really exists. And I talk to Maya like she really exists.

We started our regimes in earnest just before Christmas but with parties, travel, and general holiday effeteness, I missed a few workouts here and there. Maya let me have it, and I felt bad. While Matt, the veritable golden boy of the Yourself! Fitness world, kept opening up access to new workout locations and new (totally lame) music, I got incessantly scolded for inconsistency - stemming from one missed workout like six sessions ago. He'd mock me by selecting the Island Paradise for his workout while loudly declaring, "I'm going to work on lower body at the Paradise Resort because they don't let just anyone in there."

I got a little bit competitive, and I'd silently shudder at each of Maya's reprisals. The thing is, you only get to 50 if you buy in, if you let Maya make to believe that you'll die fat and lonely if you don't "make consistency a goal" or don't allow yourself to feel crummy when Maya asks, "Where were you last time? I was waiting for you!"

The workouts, with the exception of the one that targets cardio, is pretty short on calorie burning cardiovascular exercise. But, I'm developing pretty impressive She-Ra (Princess of Power) arms and buns of near steal. Consequently, my middle finger is just as strong as my thighs as it is constantly flexed every time Maya makes me do the loathed Squat-Lunge Combination.

Fifty workouts in 2.5 months isn't awe inspiring, but it is something. The routine has gotten me back in touch with a true love, yoga, and actually done all those things they say regular exercise does - kept me happier, reduced my stress, made me eat less, and made me totally better at making out.

After my workout this morning Maya told me I should be really proud of myself. Indoctrination worked, I am.