Not to Wed

"Is one of the things that scares you about marriage the fact that you'll never make out with anyone else ever again?" (me)

"No." (Matt)

"Uhhh, me neither." (me)

* * *

It happens now and then, from a variety of sources, my martial status and plans of adjusting it become the subject of passing scrutiny. Most often now, it is job related as Matt and I are working together and nearly every co-worker our age is married or planning to do so.

People get kind of embarrassed when their "so, when's the wedding?" is greeted with my dismissive "I'm not engaged." I should start over-enunciating the NOT and look wounded, but I am neither wounded nor overly annoyed. I have no naked-left-ring-finger complex and to be quite honest, at this point the biggest motivation for hitting that aisle would be the chance to wear a pretty dress and register for all the crazy kitchen appliances I am too practical to buy. I want to get married. Just not right now, dammit.

Matt said yesterday, "You're always talking about having babies," which could not be further from the truth. Had he said, "You're always talking about pooping" or "how much you really don't care about celebrities while obsessively checking The Superficial" or "how the government really killed Martin Luther King," well then he would be right. But my mentions of parenthood always set it off in the semi-distant future. And usually center on my concern that he has trained our cat to be a biting machine that would gladly gnaw at an infant if given the opportunity.

A running theme of mine for the past three years has been: "I don't want to be dull." My dear friend, Nancy Blum, really cursed me with this one when during a soul searching lunch that I spent blurting out possible futures for myself, she said, "Maura, you just can't be ordinary." It was meant as a compliment, I suppose like: try as I might to yield to it, lameness will never get the better of me. I suppose I think - though I know it is not necessarily true - that one's life becomes duller when one "settles down."

Attention married people!! - please know that I am not disparaging your decision to wed!! Many of you have given me wonderful examples of how making grown up changes like marriage and babies does not preclude one from coolness. These are the people who, towards the end of an argument, will respond to "I'm sorry you feel that way." with "Well, I'm sorry you give rim jobs."

I just have a complex. Really, I am quite willing to grow up. I am putting myself through grad school, I've got three (3!) retirement savings accounts, and I am in the market for comfortable shoes. I guess above all, marriage and babies require a certain amount of nesting, of settling, that I don't feel quite ready for. And though I realized the other night, that in most ways, Matt and I are already committed to each other and many have asked why we don't just "go ahead and get married." I don't really have an answer, maybe it has something to do with making out with other people.